Da Cool Clown

Monday, October 23, 2006

John Koh, 26 loves showing his latest car to his peers. He eats at the best restaurants, lives at 6th Avenue, and his current hang out is being at Corduroy & Finch along Bukit Timah road (If only for a snack). Coming from a rich family, John does not really need to save to get his car or an apartment of his own.

His two friends, Gary Poh and Nigel Yong while not as well-endowed as John, have developed a different way of coping with the presence of someone truly rich in their company.

Gary always felt that he had to catch up with John to maintain their friendship. So he made brave attempts to emulate John’s spending habits, purchasing branded shoes while studying in JC and upgrading to a car the moment he got his first job. Gary always funded this lifestyle with debt. It seems that no price is low to keep himself ahead.

Nigel was much wiser. After all, if John were to despise him for being poor, he would not really want such a friendship anyway. Nigel was, thus, true to himself and kept his spending within his limits. Nigel knew that he brings something different to this friendship and see no need to emulate his well-endowed friend.

After years at work, the tide had turned. John kept the momentum of his wealth going but Gary had to bow out because he got into trouble with his creditors. Only Nigel, who was honest with his financial situation, could maintain the friendship with John, earning John’s respect for his down to earth nature.

Status anxiety is the first of your personal demons that you need to cope with. There is such a strong drive to keep up with the Joneses (or Johns or Tans or Lims) that we hurt ourselves in the purpose. The Chinese call this “Da2 Zhong3 Lian3 Pi2 Chong1 Pang4 Zhi3” or slapping your face swollen to imitate the appearance a prosperous (fat) man.

As mentioned in the earlier chapters meritocracies actually tacitly encourage such behavior because it makes people strive against their goals to accumulate material goods, the clearest measure of a man is money. Failures are a result of their own weaknesses and do not deserve any sympathy. The mass media exacerbates status anxiety by featuring perpetually young and beautiful people on TV prancing around in designer wear and continental cars.

Here are some ways to cope with status anxiety courtesy of the October 2005 issue of Psychology Today article by Carlin Flora:

a) Live in an area where people are nice and humble.

Very often, we surround ourselves by people who are very status conscious; it becomes a lot harder to be true to ourselves when everyone is doing the same thing. This is a problem of peer pressure.

This applies very well to young professional couples who opt to live in luxurious condominiums. If you are unable to cope with the excesses of your neighbors and find yourselves envious and keeping a lifestyle which you hate as a consequence of this, consider moving on to perhaps a HDB estate and living with people who are more likely to envy you. This has the added benefit of freeing up capital for your investments.

b) Become the king of your own hill

Happy people are those who generally excel in an area of their lives. To be happy and extract yourself out of a position of envy for your peers, it is very healthy to find a niche or a sub-culture that you absolutely excel in.

There are in fact many healthy niche groups that you can join and maybe even lead them if you are passionate about a hobby. You could join the Toastmasters public speaking movement and work in committees and help other people or you could become the best World of Warcraft player in Singapore. Joining a fringe group like the group that indulges in Anime Cosplay (no, the decent sort) or having any great hobby will get you to think about status anxiety less often.

c) Simply grow more white hair

You can simply grow older or wiser. Status anxiety or getting into pissing contests generally occur to young people who have just started work (somehow it always seems to infect young professionals fresh out of university). Starting a family and growing older will allow you to mellow down. The wisdom will create an automatic defense against the forces of envy.

d) Stop benchmarking yourself with others

In capitalist societies, everybody is comparing their situation to everybody else. Even authors want to know how their book is selling relative to other books in the market. One way is to develop a penchant for contrarianism. You have to really hate what everybody else is doing and enjoy simply being different. (Note that contrarians make a lot of money in the stock market as well because these are the kinds of folks who can buy low and sell high.)

e) Realize that being part of high society does not equate to happiness

Happiness is being in an intimate relationship, having great friends and good health. Wealth, while important, remains a secondary concern. It takes a while to realize that and I have to grapple with this fact everyday. But always remember : After getting that Venti Rhumba Frappucino for a year in Starbucks, a 70 cent kopi-o would be refreshing to many drinkers.

6:31 PM
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Friday, October 20, 2006

time really flies..2 yrs 2 mths are gone just like that..but im glad that during these few yrs..i learn alot..some experience that i can nv find in the outside world..repelling..taiwan..brunei..the chiong sua days..my buddies etc..is just so memorable..met alot of good buddies who suffer thru thick and thin wif me..army is just another chapter of our life that we guys have to go thru..wif that..i end my army life peacefully wif unforgetable memories..
Coming back to civilian life is definitely not new but its time to think more abt my future..well life is tough..we just have to accept it..rather than looking for consolation,look for closure, accept and move on..i decided to put away all my unhappiness..uncertainty..etc aside..and start a new life today..=)

3:26 AM
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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

oh yeah..blogging at this hr of time is indeed strange..early in the morning 750am and im here writing craps.. but i think i got sleeping disorder..i slept 3 hrs and i woke up automatically or i hardly can slp till then sun comes up..my biological clock is somehow cocked up..well..lets chg topic..
ORD soon at 19 oct this mth..and today is already 10th..9 more days to go and i was already rotting while clearing leave now till the last day..but glad that im making money more than i spend now..thanks to my investment and the policy i setup myself...though is risky wif a 50-50 % each time..i managed to study and do my homework well in order to strive for success..im gonna to make more money or rather maintain the current situation..its glad to see my frds happy when they earn and praises me for the info i shared with them..but this road is indeed a hard one..i know by doing this cant lead me to nowhere cause im not warren buffett..but that doesnt mean i will not find a job and earn money when i ORD rite? hell yeah..im looking for one already or i already have 1? just that haven starts..im also accumulating my ammos for my business venture..hehe..to be an entrepreneur yea? i dun dare to say so la..cause my business is not anything big..but its still business for sure..currently i still need to work out on the business plan and expenses etc so that i calculate every details properly..but thats also 1 sources of my income..
So..by investing (constant profit for 1 mth) + a job + my small business...is it enough? nah..money is nv enough..when i accumulate more money..i will venture more into other sources to search for more money..thats definitely striving for more sources of income..some frds asked me alot of times what i will be doing..so i roughly told them my plans in the future..some find me ambitious and some support me and said im some1 who really think abt my future..be it good or bad..i know someday i will prove to myself and others what im actually made of..
But frds often asked..why am i aiming so far and thinking so much when i haven ord? the simplest answer i can give u is..i dun wanna be like others who ord and dunno what they really wan or to do..to go back to study and waste a couple more years when we already wasted 2 yrs and 2 mths in the army? this is definitely not where im going..i cant afford to waste 3 more yrs or more studying just to get a cert..can u imagine how much u already lost when u actualy do that?by then how old are u? and u r not earning a single cent..for gals..of course further study..cause they got time..we dun have..get a degree and still get a job that pays u 2k a mth i reckon..u already lose out alot bro..but well..diff ppl have diff goals in life..and mine is definitely not that same as most of u..
The greatest aim for me is to earn lots of money so my dad and my mum can enjoy their retirement happily..my mum is some1 i really love and respect thru this coming 22 yrs of my life..many of my frds said i have a wonderful mum..and indeed she's one..the past is sad for her to endure watching me grown up yrs after yrs...
I dunno why im sharing all these today in my blog..but i guess its time for all of us to do something for our parents..cause we know they love and we love..thats 1 love thats nv gonna change..=)

7:55 AM
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