Friday, December 24, 2004
U pals must be wondering why i so long nv update my blog rite?i have been racing against time during my book outs..just wanna cherished and spend the remaining time of my book out to the fullest..but it always dun go smoothly from what i wan..ok..let's not talk abt it le..
Today is Xmas eve and im at home again..feeling kinda low and sux and i dunno why..isnt it strange? i just feel fucking moody and dun wanna go anywhere..even thou i promised Ling to go wif her to her frd's place after mummy's bbq..now ended up not going for both..and she left my house wif disappointment..i know its my fault but i dun wanna go over and end up ruining everyone's mood for xmas..partly is because i dunno them..and i dun wanna be on a "1 man island" whereby im there all alone talking to the wall or sitting there in daze..haiz..i can only say millions of sorries to my gal and hope she understand other than feeling disappointed upon hearing my last min backed out..
I wanted to get birkenstock sandal for her as xmas gift but i got no fucking cash..dammit..i wished im still working and enjoying the carefree life like the past..so i dun need to worry abt all these unneccessary probs..but im stuck in army..and getting 350 per mth can get me to nowhere seriously..so what if im a private rank now? it will be just a $100 increment or less i suppose..i cant buy anything needless to even say a xmas pressie for her today..yet she keep buying things for me..i feel so FUCKED UP!
Ling really treat me very well..she always put me on the 1st priority and i always make the day bored for her when i said i wanna go home..i really feel very bad at times..haiz..can some1 wake me up from my slp and tell me what i shud do?
I really need alot alot of cash to strive and complete my goals in life..if not i will not rest in peace if i die..oh yes..saying is useless..one gotta worked hard for it..so u can see how hard and fuck up im endurring now for the things i wan in life..i even plan to sacrifise my future civilian life for signing the fuck up contract to make my goals nearer..this is the fastest way to reach it i reckon..there's no other way..i cant wait till ord wif this pay and find a job outside wif good pay..im just a "O" lvl dude who regretted alot of stuffs in life..and what i can do wif this "arsehole"? argh!!!!!!!!!!! i hate growing up sometimes..although i wanna have the taste of being a daddy and driving a car very much..but i know..it takes greater hardwork and $$ to reach it.. life is just like a staircase and judging from now..i think im facing hella lots of probs climbing it smoothly..i once fell straight down to the 1st step of the staircase and i hope i dun do it again..it will definitely be painful..
When i dun talk..not because im dao or sick..pls dun misunderstand..im just having my mood swing as usual..close bro who know me well will know abt it..that's what make me in silence and walking alone and doing things by myself these few days in camp..haha..i seem like a lunatic soon rite?or a serial killer? not that worst lah..i just hate to talk in camp whereby some homies dun understand english or they like to do things their way..so talking make no sense..so i shut up and do my stuffs..i walked alone is because some of them is simply insane..marching back from cookhouse to my coy is just 3/4 of the parade square as the cookhouse is just infront us..is like 50 steps?..and i duno why falling in need to "tu" so long..and they like to give commands as thou they are in a parade..so i marched myself own time own target..i thought ppl who came to sispec are more discipline and better..but some of them just pissed me off with their attitude..numbering off being the simplest thing in army..simply say 1..2..3..4..5..etc also will say wrong..1 simple thing also must do so many times..can u imagine how hard i really try to hold my temper? b4 i actually shout at my platoon mates? compared to my bmt..my frds know me well and what kinda person i am..and they usually preferred me to be talking craps and jokes until they laughed till balls dropped to make everyday happier while i entertain them compared to when im angry and i shout the hell out of them..and make everyone unhappy..but they always understand why i shout..i wanna do things fast so we can avoid punishment and end early..isnt all these what a soldier ask for and wan? i cant imagine if im a sgt and my man pissed me off..they will hate me if i blow my temper..lolx..but i know nobody will like a sgt to react this way..i wanna do my work well and be a nice sgt that my man will respect and remember in the future..i dun wanna be like other sgt who dun understand soldier..i wanna learn more abt life..to fill in all these inside my "Book Of Life"..i fucking learnt too many things the hard and fuck up way..i shall end here..getting bored if u guys continue reading..haha..i try to get back on track and find back my mood..having some swing lately..sorry..=P
Amen! Merry Xmas to all! To9 is Ping An Ye! Enjoy yr fullest! i nv enjoyed pin an ye for a long time le..=)
